domingo, 5 de abril de 2009

Egolatría desinteresada.


Todavía te recuerdo Amanda, con los ojitos de borrega muerta y las piernas cruzadas, con tu sonrisa a la mitad de tu cara y tus labios gruesos. Estuvimos juntos porque me veía bien contigo, y nos queríamos, ¿no? Tu vestidito blanco veraniego, plegándose en las curvas de tu cuerpo y tus manos delgadas pasando las hojas de aquella revistilla. Te distraías mientras esperábamos nuestro turno. ¿Cuándo nos tocaría? Llevábamos poco esperando, honestamente, pero el tiempo se detuvo cuando fijé mi mirada en el péndulo que hacían tus piernas inquietas. Alzaste la mirada brevemente, tus cejas gruesas se enarcaron brevemente y sonreíste. Te sonreí de vuelta. Sí. Nos vemos bien juntos.

Me veo bien, por ti...

Te levantaste harta de esperar, recogiste tu bolso y saliste a fumarte un cigarro. Yo te seguí. Platicamos un rato, en la puerta de todos los santos, y te robé tu cigarrillo para que tú prendieras otro. Siempre te hacía eso. Hiciste una mueca, medio molesta y se tensaron tus manos.

-Escucha, creo que necesitamos terminar esto. Ya no siento lo mismo que... -durante varios minutos, me diste una letanía de todos nuestros fallos y todo lo que se fue al pasado. Ya ni recordaba que hacíamos esperando. Tus palabras salieron como una estela que ralentizaban el escenario, la atmósfera se hizo de chicle y el sol se hizo muy brillante-. Es la segunda vez qué regresamos y no quiero herirte de nuevo, debes entender que ya terminé, ya terminó. No puedo seguir haciendo esto -seguiste diciendo muchas cosas, pero sólo recogía algunos pedazos de tus palabras. Cada vez que se repetía este escenario, pasaba lo mismo y la realidad se alteraba como un hule que se estiraba y después se abandonaba.

Medio sonreí, como tú. Un gesto que había recogido en estos años de estar juntos.

-Esta bien, si es lo que quieres esta bien -dije, automáticamente, y después pensé mis palabras durante varios minutos, mientras parecía que te habían quitado un peso en los hombros y fumabas tranquilamente. Te veías radiante, como siempre.

Después de todo, otra separación nos haría más fuertes, ¿no?

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